Dodging bad days
January 20, 2022
Today you told me to enjoy rest and do absolutely nothing. I did just that. My body and mind are grateful for giving in to the necessity of idleness.
Last night you said you haven’t been feeling like yourself lately and that you were suddenly overcome with inexplicable sadness. I told you to hold on and that the existence of bad days imply the existence of good ones. I don’t know if my words bring you any comfort as much yours do for me. I can only hope and guess.
***
Whenever I tell you all my worries, I like that you never act like you’re here to save me. I like that you never promise me the world. (I’ve never been one for grand sweeping statements and if I ever heard one, I’d be lying if I said that wouldn’t make me suspicious.) What I do like is all the assurances you give me that make everything feel manageable and laughable, all the while allowing me to keep my independence (and my pride).
And in most of our conversations, especially over things that trouble us, we often tell each other the same phrases. When it’s something that concerns the both of us we say “we’ll figure it out together”. When it’s something that concerns just one of us we say “I’m just here”. Neither of these phrases offer any concrete solutions, no actionable steps. But I like both of them because they’re sweet and tender and gentle.
They’re sweet in a way that they’re both promises. Tender because they’re a promise to be patient. Gentle because they’re a promise to be kind. They’re both so simple yet they offer so much. And, in promising to figure things out together and just being there for the other when things go bad, there lies a comforting thought: most of my problems may be my own but I no longer need to feel so alone because, among all the hands in the world, it’s your hand that’s held out for me to hold.
For what it’s worth, my hand is always held out for you, too— for help, for comfort, for backrubs, and for finding a warm thing to grasp when it’s dark out and the cooling unit starts randomly spewing icicles and hale stones.
